After I posted the video, my teacher was able to give me some good pointers:
"1) Better to avoid playing 4-3 in right hand above 1-3 in the bass. See for instance bar 4, beats 1 and 2. Not so good to arrive together on E in bass and soprano on beat 2. Same in bars 6 (beats 1-2) etc
2) Bar 18, beats 2-3: better to avoid G on beat 3 in the tenor because of the G# in the alto on the previous beat. Better to stay on E in the tenor.
3) Last line, third bar, beat 3: you could play A instead of G in the tenor (on the B flat in the bass) and on beat 4 only resolve that A to G, leaving the top voices lay."